Oh man.....

    I am such a slacker. I finally found my old log in and contact stuff for this blog. It's been years and things are soooo different. Still live in the house we bought in 2012... still adore that house. My husband has come to his senses and is attempting to re-acclimate to married life with two kids. It had been an adventure to say the least. I would call my general attitude about the whole thing "cautiously optimistic" I want to believe this is it, he will stay, things will be good, I want so BADLY to believe that. I however, keep reminding myself with mental illness you never know what a person will say or do so it's still in the air. 

     I went through a dark dark depressive year, it was horrible. Full of reckless decisions, failed relationships and eventual concession to the fact that no one will be as good as my husband and I compare everyone to him. No wonder nothing ever worked. I spent two years alone and it was FANTASTIC like let me tell you guys, you don't need a man! Being able to take over my entire king size bed was amazing... and I didn't have to feel bad about my lil man sleeping next to me bc he wasn't taking anyone else's spot. Life is a period of perpetual adjustment. 

    We have court today to deal with all the child support drama. When he moved back here he left his 180k a year job for this $23 an hour job, to which he says, "I wanted to be near the kids Karin." cool. Leaves me wondering if I am an actual factor or if its a well I gotta deal with her to be near them. Who really knows. Cautiously optimistic. More optimism than caution. 

    Other news, Tessa just had a little baby boy in October. His name is Storm. (Such a hippie name, probably my fault lol) He is so sweet. Tess made some bad decisions involving criminal sale of drugs, it caught up with her and she is an inmate at Bedford Hills Correctional. They have an amazing program where they mother can keep the baby with her for up to 18 months. She struggles so, it hurts to know I can't do anything to help her through this. She is so tired and so overwhelmed. I had my mom to help for the first week. I probably would have lost it were it not for her. I want nothing but good things for her. Everyone is so fast to judge the actions of a teenager, actions that most teenagers do regardless of their families. I made very very bad decisions as a teenager, like whoa, drugs, sex, drugs, more drugs.. etc wasn't good. The one difference is I never sold and I never got caught. How can I condemn a person for the same bad decisions I made? I CAN'T and no one else has any right. People can change and make better decisions. The past matters not but what you do with your future is what matters most. God knows, he knows what is in your heart and he will keep those sneaking him safe.