Things....

So i realize i haven’t been posting much lately except for a picture here and there.. things have been hectic, trying, loving, tiresome, adorable, and so on.. i could go on forever with adjectives describing how things are. Heidi is terribly colicky, she spends most nights up screaming.. and screaming to the point she cant breath and turns blue until you blow in her face then she takes a breath. the dr has yet to do anything about it. It is very frustrating, not entirely because i get no sleep, but mostly because i feel badly for her, she is in pain, and i can’t do a damn thing to help her. I don’t have any time for anyone in my life unless they come to my house, because when she actually sleeps i have to do the same or feel like hell because i am up constantly. The few hours of sleep i do get are precious, and boy are they welcome. Everyone thinks babies are easy, give them a bottle, change their diaper.. and they go back to bed, well folks, this is NOT reality.. they cry, and cry a lot!! sometimes for no reason at all, or because they are bored, or they are cold, or they are hot, or they don’t like the light, or they startled themselves, or they are trying to poop, or have gas, or just because.. etc.. you get the idea, sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do but sit there and stare blankly at them as they scream.. Heidi is going to be one month old in a few hours… i thought things would be better by then.. but.. no.. they aren’t.. thats ok though. My love for her surpasses all this stress and sleepless nights. I can only hope everyone else in my life understands all this, and that i just don’t have the time right now. To make matter worse, Heidi has the same head cold i had, she is very stuffy, (babies only breath through there nose and wont nurse when they cant breath) and she has a nasty cough.. therefore.. she is more miserable than ever, she wakes herself out of sleep because she finds her self unable to breath. On the other-side of this, it is amazing being a mother, when she is actually happy she is the cutest thing ever. she has a personality already and makes adorable faces, and sounds, she was even standing at my cousins house for ten seconds, and she can hold her head up on her own.. these milestones i wouldn’t want to trade for anything, and when she looks at you with her big eyes, and actually recognizes you… that makes any sleepless night and any sobbing fit worthwhile. i love my daughter, and i love being a mother.

Now all this stuff aside, we are trying to find a place to live in NY, my husband starts his new job in less than a week.. thankfully he is going for training first so i maybe have less than three weeks to find a hose.. *shudder* and get everything moved, at lest his company does the moving for us. I am just getting very discouraged by how NY works, here in pa a landlord lets everyone look at a house before choosing to lease to someone.. in NY apparently landlords take the first person willing to shell out the cash, to hell with the family of three from PA driving 2.5 hours to get there.. yea.. we were 20 mins away when she called and told us someone was signing the lease.. like WTF?? you gonna pay me the goddamn gas milage?? (which wasn’t sooo sooo bad.. i mean.. i do drive a Hybrid haha) but its the principle of the thing. It was very discouraging. I hope he is a terrible tenant, and she missed out on a great family who never misses rent. ok.. that was mean.. but  i am still annoyed.. anyways.. my life is mostly stress right now.. and i can’t wait till it eases up some.. because if it doesn’t i’ll be looking for the nearest pot dealer hahahaha.. ok thats all for now