Monday, May 30, 2011

I LOVE my new house!!

This house is so interesting there is always people outside, always something going on and I have this amazing porch to watch all the action from its like living on the set of rear window (minus the murder part) its like the real busy city life. The one house always has band practice and they are really good. The other runs a day care so lots happening there. We have the neighborhood busy body that makes sure if something is happening she is right there to watch... The neighbors with kids that are always running around and playing in my bushes.. and running up and down the ally way. I just feel such a good vibe here. :) it's so diverse and fascinating to see people from all walks of life being friendly with each other.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

thoughts on the rapture of 2011...

I for one, being a believer in god, do not believe in the rapture. We were all sitting around enjoying our rapture party, consisting of Mexican food and tequila, discussing how a God as loving and as forgiving as our god would not bring about the end of in such a fashion. The god we know forgives all and loves dearly his creation. These people who take the bible literally terrify me. I don't judge, it isn't my place, but my goodness... The bible is written by man, as an account of Jesus' life, by his own standards man is flawed, hence sending forth his only son to be crucified for our sins. By that, being that the bible is written by man inherently it is flawed as well. It is a book ment to gain strength from, understanding from, love and compassion from. Not to instill fear, hysteria or any of that.... With that said, part of faith is the unknown... And well... You just never know.
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Monday, May 16, 2011

I am tired....

Everything is just so tiring lately, my house stresses me out to no end with all the packing.... There are just boxes everywhere! Thank god Brent will let us move ahead of time, gives me lots of time to get it done! I cant wait until its the 24th already... I just need to get it all over and done with already. I feel like its this looming thing... And my mother STILL hasn't talked to me... At least things with the brother are a little better... I am just so Damn sick of helping people out and ending up the bad guy. It's really starting to get to me. I try so hard to do the right thing... Somehow sometimes the right thing feels or goes terribly wrong. It's not just with my family, but they are the most judgemental... I keep hearing from sid how all Greg does is sit at his house and talk shit about me. That hurts but i keep telling myself that its only bc he is so miserable himself that pointing out my faults makes him feel better. Maybe that's true but it keeps me from snapping. I just find myself fighting back tears constantly bc I feel like I have no one in my corner... Not a new feeling but one that is really getting old... I just don't know what to do anymore... I just need a break.. a real one... I need my family to like me again, I need this stress to go away... And I need Michael to quit being so pissy and mean.. and I need people like Cindy and heather to stop running their mouths... It's really getting old. It's like one big cess pool of drama over there.. and Greg and Cindy fuel each other.. and its all against me! Me the one who took Greg in for ten months, me the one who fed Cindy when she couldnt afford food... Me the one who let's them leach my internet bc they can't afford it... Me the one who helps them out every chance I get... I have never ever in my life felt more unapreciated than I do right now. I sware, if I didn't have Heidi I would have a gun in my mouth.
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my latest fortune....

I officially love that Chinese restaurant!
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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I am so frustrated.

It's just been that kind of week, my mother is clearly displeased with my decision to move, I feel like a pile of crap for having asked her to barrow money. I hate doing that and she in no way makes it an easy task. I feel like u can't even talk to her now. *sigh* that coupled with the bs with my brother and heather flipping her shit with me on the lawn I just feel like I am in crazy-ville. I'm tempted to sit in a corner and rock muttering incoherently about nothing. Life is supposed to be easier than this. When you are nice to people they are supposed to be nice back, it just isn't that way. I will never ask my family for another thing.
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Monday, May 2, 2011

There is always some shit...

I hate Elmira. Hate Hate Hate Elmira. I lived in this shity house for far too long now dealing with the crap of society, criminals, rapists, all the shit nyc sent here and refused to take back once they carried out their sentences. I don't really care how many are reformed bc the ones that aren't shoot good people like my neighbor billy. I need to get out of here. My daughter deserves better.

On another note I deserve better. I took my little brother in. I gave him a place to stay. Fought for him to stay here to the point my husband really resents me. I gave him a home, food, a warm bed, and rides to work. How does he repay me? Get this, he doesn't even bother to tell me he is moving out today I have to ask him. Wtf is that? Apparently I am not worthy enough to know what is going on in my own home. I cant move from here fast enough.
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Sunday, May 1, 2011

Conneticut day three... (marvelwood reunion)

We had a good time in Kent. It was a little bit lame cause only Leslie was there. I didn't know anyone else but I really enjoyed showing my husband around the campus. I think he really learned how different and beneficial boarding schools are. The campus is gorgeous it has wide open fields, great views and a beautiful lake. I really enjoyed seeing my former teachers. They really enjoyed Heidi especially Mrs d. She always has fun with her. Then we hopped over to office max to say hi to nick and then home where we saw my cousins. It was fun alyssa played with Heidi as usual, she will make a great baby sitter some day LOL.