I have found a friend in the most curious of places...

Turns out she was right in my backyard. But they say things are best hidden in plain sight. I have never had more in common with a person, and yet been so different. It is very hard for me to find real true friends I have a tendency to look towards the good in people and not see the forest for the trees as it were. I end up getting used and mistreated its really a vicious cycle, I tell my husband you can't ween them out if you don't make the initial effort. He laughs but I know it bothers him. He doesn't like that I strike out so much.

Anyway I met this girl Jessica.. She inspires me, 21 years old, mother of two beautiful baby twins only a month older than my dear Heidi. She does it all on her own, and somehow keeps her house spotless, AND attends school for medical assisting. Her preservearance in the face of adversity is amazing. She thinks she isn't strong but I have never met a stronger person. To come up from where she was.. to were she is and to rectify her mistakes like she does.. To love and respect people I can't stand to be around... I just don't know how she does it! I am a better person for having known her... Thanks Jessica for being my true friend.

"Du erinnerst mich an Liebe" / "You remind me of love"

This song is so beautiful... It really speaks to me.. I heard it first time up at the Marve when Alana was playing her Ich und Ich cd think I just outright fell in love with the band lol but here is the original version in German then the English translation..

wenn meine seele grau ist, nichts macht mehr sinn ich bin ganz oben und ich weiß nicht mehr wohin ich gehen soll wo viele schatten sind da ist auch licht ich laufe zu dir ich vergesse dich nicht du kennst mich und mein wahres gesicht

du erinnerst mich an liebe ich kann sehen wer du wirklich bist du erinnerst mich daran wie es sein kann wozu der ganze kampf um macht und geld was soll ich sammeln hier auf dieser welt wenn ich doch gehen muss wenn mein tag gekommen ist wenn meine innere stimme zu mir spricht ich bin taub und höre sie nicht dann schau mich an und halte mich

erinner mich an liebe zeig mir wer du wirklich bist erinner mich daran wie es sein kann erinner mich an liebe zeig mir wer du wirklich bist erinner mich daran wie es sein kann da ist ein weg so weit und endet in unendlichkeit da ist ein fluss lang und schön ich kann das ende nicht sehen

du erinnerst mich an liebe ich kann sehen wer du wirklich bist du erinnerst mich daran wie es sein kann erinner mich an liebe zeig mir wer du wirklich bist erinner mich daran wie es sein kann wenn meine seele grau ist, nichts macht mehr sinn ich bin ganz oben und ich weiß nicht mehr wohin ich gehen soll

when my soul is gray, nothing makes sense any more i'm way up there and i don't know any more where i should go where so many shadows are, there's also light i run to you, i don't forget you you know me and my true face

you remind me of love i can see who you really are you remind me of how it can be what all the struggle's about - for power and money what should i collect here in this world?when I have to go, when my day has come when my inner voice speaks to me i'm deaf and don't hear it then look at me and hold me

remind me of love show me who you really are remind me of how it can be remind me of love show me who you really are remind me of how it can be there is a path that's so far and it ends in infinity there is a river so long and beautiful i can't see the end

you remind me of love i can see who you really are you remind me of how it can be remind me of love show me who you really are remind me of how it can be when my soul is gray, nothing makes sense any more i'm way up there and i don't know any more where i should go

My song to sum up this year....

"Because Of You"

I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery I will not break the way you did, You fell so hard I've learned the hard way To never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake A smile, a laugh everyday of my life My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid

Because of you Because of you