Advent

Today was the first day of Advent at the church.. We went it was a lovely service and Miss. Heidi really enjoyed playing with the other little kiddos in the “Lullaby Room” Michael and I are going on wednesday for the baby romp and christmas story hour. Should be fun. :)

"REVIVAL" by Steve Crow

Snow is a mind
falling, a continuous breath
of climbs, loops, spirals,
dips into the earth
like white fireflies
wanting to land, finding
a wind between houses,
diving like moths
into their own light
so that one wonders
if snow is a wing's
long memory across winter.

If i should ever happen across the evil, vile, putrid skunk that sprayed outside my house, i may be forced to cause it some torment as it decided to make my ENTIRE house smell like burning tires..

Storm...

There is nothing better than...

A warm house, hot cup of coffee and a sleeping baby on a rainy fall-ish day... *sigh* i am just hanging around waiting for my husband to wake up from drinking last night and my brother to come home from CT with jon... its a nice quiet slow day... i fell at peace its nice.. 

Miss Heidi....

After visiting Aunt Nancy she decided to give me all her paint and canvas' primarily due to the fact that she no longer has the ability to create art any more. I went to her studio and took them, i felt awful.. but now this week have figured out how to look at this in a good light, and started creating.. mainly abstract.. here is a  finished one..

tiff and baby bear

gdiapers....

So today i was in wegmans and i notice these “gdiapers” so far we really like them.. but i have only changed her twice, they are adorable though and environmentally friendly which is always a plus.. guess we will see how i feel after a week of this.. 

Life...

Things have been going wonderfully! i actually get sleep at night now that i have a king sized bed and the dog has room to lay with michael and i... heidi is sleeping five or six hours at at time.. im not going to lie.. i am still tired all the time. but she is so alert and smiley and a happy little ball of adorable. the other day i was playing with her and she actually giggled... like full on giggled.. i was so excited i called my mother and my husband right away! now that we live close to the grocery store every time i go shopping i walk there with heidi in the stroller, helps me to loose the baby weight and she loves it.. all throughout the store her little inquisitive eyes wander and look at everything! being a mother is so amazing.. and i am so so so very happy... my favorite time is when we dance around the kitchen at night and i sing to her.. she is the cutest baby ever!

Beach...

We spent our day at the beach today, we met up with Brandyn and April.. potential friends for my dear Heidi.. when ever she can comprehend what a friend is lol. Michael had a wonderful day of “diggin to china” with April. It was really nice hanging out with other mothers, especially my friends from middle school and high school. It makes me a little sad that Morgan is moving to White Plaines because i wont be able to see her so easily, i mean hell i haven’t seen or heard from her in 11 years when she moved to Tokyo, then Buenos Aries and then Australia, but thankfully for the next 40 days at least she is stuck at her parents home here in CT. (It takes 40 days to have their home items shipped over) Its especially nice because i may become stuck here again because michael starts his job on monday, with or without us. *fingers crossed* i get a call back about this house because it is available on april 1st… lake access… god i hope.. 

Hospitals, RSV, Crappy Dr. Offices...

Sooo... Friday Heidi vomited an obscene amount and i called her Dr. office to inquire if this was something to worry about, they said no, just monitor her temp. Then she developed a stuffy nose on sunday, from there she only got worse, i called her dr on tuesday night, i made an appointment for her for wed. Then we got so much snow i could't take her. Wed night she got even worse, coughing sneezing.. hard time breathing all that.. being that she wasn't even a month yet i started panicking. So i called them again thursday and made a new appointment, it was for four pm. I got there at three thirty thinking that if i arrived early i would be seen quicker. i was mistaken. they told us to wait in the "sick" room then from 3:30 till 4:50 we waited when they decided that we shouldn't be in the "sick" room bc she was too young, then they stripped her down, a sick three month old mind you to her diaper, took her weight then sent her back to the room to wait... for a fucking half hour!!!! WTF is that shit? Then when the dr finally saw her, she told us to go to the hospital for an RSV/Flu test, and not to leave until we heard back from the dr. so i pile her in the car and call my husband to meet us there.. she gets the test.. we go up to the lab to wait for the results, it took them a half hour.(she was positive for RSV) So the lab calls her dr office, we waited an hour and a half for them to call back, no formula no diapers, and the hospital wouldn't give us any. finally i got so mad i was seeing red, i called her doctors and cursed out the on call person, then on min later they called and said they wanted to admit her. ok.. so of course they have diapers and formula galore in pediatrics. but in ob they don't? uggghhh... we get her checked in, she has a chest xray. which thankfully came up clear, she then got stuck on every monitor known to man.. and oxygen... it was really scary and stressful, especially bc the baby next to her looked really bad from the same thing. but thankfully with tons of prayers from people  and good hospital doctors she got to go home, however she has to stay on an apnea monitor for 6 weeks and have nebulizer treatments 6 times a day.

Things....

So i realize i haven’t been posting much lately except for a picture here and there.. things have been hectic, trying, loving, tiresome, adorable, and so on.. i could go on forever with adjectives describing how things are. Heidi is terribly colicky, she spends most nights up screaming.. and screaming to the point she cant breath and turns blue until you blow in her face then she takes a breath. the dr has yet to do anything about it. It is very frustrating, not entirely because i get no sleep, but mostly because i feel badly for her, she is in pain, and i can’t do a damn thing to help her. I don’t have any time for anyone in my life unless they come to my house, because when she actually sleeps i have to do the same or feel like hell because i am up constantly. The few hours of sleep i do get are precious, and boy are they welcome. Everyone thinks babies are easy, give them a bottle, change their diaper.. and they go back to bed, well folks, this is NOT reality.. they cry, and cry a lot!! sometimes for no reason at all, or because they are bored, or they are cold, or they are hot, or they don’t like the light, or they startled themselves, or they are trying to poop, or have gas, or just because.. etc.. you get the idea, sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do but sit there and stare blankly at them as they scream.. Heidi is going to be one month old in a few hours… i thought things would be better by then.. but.. no.. they aren’t.. thats ok though. My love for her surpasses all this stress and sleepless nights. I can only hope everyone else in my life understands all this, and that i just don’t have the time right now. To make matter worse, Heidi has the same head cold i had, she is very stuffy, (babies only breath through there nose and wont nurse when they cant breath) and she has a nasty cough.. therefore.. she is more miserable than ever, she wakes herself out of sleep because she finds her self unable to breath. On the other-side of this, it is amazing being a mother, when she is actually happy she is the cutest thing ever. she has a personality already and makes adorable faces, and sounds, she was even standing at my cousins house for ten seconds, and she can hold her head up on her own.. these milestones i wouldn’t want to trade for anything, and when she looks at you with her big eyes, and actually recognizes you… that makes any sleepless night and any sobbing fit worthwhile. i love my daughter, and i love being a mother.

Now all this stuff aside, we are trying to find a place to live in NY, my husband starts his new job in less than a week.. thankfully he is going for training first so i maybe have less than three weeks to find a hose.. *shudder* and get everything moved, at lest his company does the moving for us. I am just getting very discouraged by how NY works, here in pa a landlord lets everyone look at a house before choosing to lease to someone.. in NY apparently landlords take the first person willing to shell out the cash, to hell with the family of three from PA driving 2.5 hours to get there.. yea.. we were 20 mins away when she called and told us someone was signing the lease.. like WTF?? you gonna pay me the goddamn gas milage?? (which wasn’t sooo sooo bad.. i mean.. i do drive a Hybrid haha) but its the principle of the thing. It was very discouraging. I hope he is a terrible tenant, and she missed out on a great family who never misses rent. ok.. that was mean.. but  i am still annoyed.. anyways.. my life is mostly stress right now.. and i can’t wait till it eases up some.. because if it doesn’t i’ll be looking for the nearest pot dealer hahahaha.. ok thats all for now